Nekkid truth
Indonesia is confusing, or rather, living overseas in a place like this is. I feel a little bad, I left a rather snarky comment on our last post, basically summarizing the major issues I have with this place and saying "IT ISN'T A BIG VACATION HERE! AAAAAAUGH!" So now I feel like I should maybe justify my comment, or at least try to make some sense.
It's impossible to explain what it's like here, unless it's experienced. Anyone who has ever lived for a long period of time (as in, more than a few week vacation) overseas could understand, or anyone who has ever experienced a COMPLETELY different culture-and I'm NOT talking about moving from one midwestern state to another, thankyouverymuch.
Fifty percent of the time, it's incredible here. I sometimes sit back and think, "This is my life...wow! AMAZING!" For example-places like Pelabuhan Ratu! That IS oceanside paradise, and it's readily accessible to us, for a VERY low cost! Even little things, like funny stuff my students say and do and enough random "This one time in Indonesia" anecdotes to fill a book are so great. I love, LOVE, 85 percent of my students. I've made incredible friends from all over the world. I get to go cool places-Bali for the whole next week, Singapore with Travis's drama class the weekend after (how's THAT for a field trip?!), and wherever in Asia we feel like going for our week-long November break. In these past two-and-a-half months, my life has changed forever. I've learned a lot, and not just about the world in general. About myself, too-I'm a stronger person than I thought I was. My faith has grown in leaps and bounds. It's all almost overwhelming.
On the flip side...culture shock is also overwhelming. Getting stared at everywhere is definitely weird. Getting ignored or, worse, given dirty looks because I'm white sucks-though it's probably very good for this small-town gal. Homesickness is the worst. I am as far away from home as it is possible for me to be, unless I leave the planet. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my dog (oh, how I miss my dog...it's probably pathetic how much I miss my dog!), I miss EVERYTHING some days. Like a famous singer once said (and then Sheryl Crow and Counting Crows copied after), "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone..." Yeah, you don't. Indonesia is as far away from Nebraska as one can get, culturally and geographically. You're probably thinking, "Yes, Erin...duh." Or perhaps you would like to think that in Indonesian, in which case you'd think this: "Ya, Erin...dong." At any rate, I knew this coming in and I expected it to be this way. I also accept this-I wouldn't have come had I not. Some days, most days probably, I embrace this. Sometimes, however, I just want the nearest Wal-Mart, the new season of CSI and Cheetos that don't taste weird. This, again, is one of those things that is impossible to explain fully-it just has to be experienced. So if I sound whiny, I'm sorry. I'd say walk a mile in my shoes and see how you feel, but they measure things in kilometers...sorry, kilometREs, here.
And about the tropical paradise thing...yeah, that's pretty cool. No, actually, that's pretty (expletive) cool. But there are days when I just want to be home, experiencing fall and watching Nebraska football. I'd apologize to you anti-Husker-complain-about-Nebraska-constantly folks out there for missing my state and my team but...well, I'm not sorry. Deal. Go Huskers. Anyway.
Being able to vacation at tropical resorts is fantastic. Having a maid is kind of cool (also necessary, strangely-more on that later), but it's weird. She doesn't consider herself a maid-she considers herself a servant. That is hard to get used to. Cleaning lady, cool. Servant, not cool. Just another cultural thing that's hard to get used to, particularly for us independent, do-it-yourself Americans. Plus, while the media (oh, I sound like an angry Republican-damn that liberal media!!!) makes things sound way worse than they are, Indonesia isn't a completely safe place. Yeah, Iraq and Afghanistan are horribly worse and I have no right to complain compared to Americans who are over there, but it's still a little scary here sometimes. Buleh (white people) aren't always liked, Americans aren't always liked and Christians aren't always liked very much. Everywhere you go, there are satpams (security guys) with big bomb-detecting wands-including our school's gates. At shopping malls like the one we went to Friday night to see a movie, there were security guards with ginormous rifles. We don't live in fear or anything-there's no point. If it's our time to go, we'll go whether we're in Jakarta or crossing the street in Seward, Nebraska. Still, it's a little unnerving. Scary sometimes, even.
I'm probably not making sense with all of this. I'm just trying to explain how we can be "Yay, beaches and maids and world travel and hooray!" in one breath and "I WANNA GO HOME!" in the next. It's normal, or so I've been told by every single other expat over here. Also, this is an online journal and, while it may be a stupid idea, we're gonna be honest on it. People want to know how our life is over here? We're not going to sugarcoat it-we'll share the fantastically wonderful as well as the crappy stuff. So there you have it. That's what's going on with the Armknechts.
It's impossible to explain what it's like here, unless it's experienced. Anyone who has ever lived for a long period of time (as in, more than a few week vacation) overseas could understand, or anyone who has ever experienced a COMPLETELY different culture-and I'm NOT talking about moving from one midwestern state to another, thankyouverymuch.
Fifty percent of the time, it's incredible here. I sometimes sit back and think, "This is my life...wow! AMAZING!" For example-places like Pelabuhan Ratu! That IS oceanside paradise, and it's readily accessible to us, for a VERY low cost! Even little things, like funny stuff my students say and do and enough random "This one time in Indonesia" anecdotes to fill a book are so great. I love, LOVE, 85 percent of my students. I've made incredible friends from all over the world. I get to go cool places-Bali for the whole next week, Singapore with Travis's drama class the weekend after (how's THAT for a field trip?!), and wherever in Asia we feel like going for our week-long November break. In these past two-and-a-half months, my life has changed forever. I've learned a lot, and not just about the world in general. About myself, too-I'm a stronger person than I thought I was. My faith has grown in leaps and bounds. It's all almost overwhelming.
On the flip side...culture shock is also overwhelming. Getting stared at everywhere is definitely weird. Getting ignored or, worse, given dirty looks because I'm white sucks-though it's probably very good for this small-town gal. Homesickness is the worst. I am as far away from home as it is possible for me to be, unless I leave the planet. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my dog (oh, how I miss my dog...it's probably pathetic how much I miss my dog!), I miss EVERYTHING some days. Like a famous singer once said (and then Sheryl Crow and Counting Crows copied after), "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone..." Yeah, you don't. Indonesia is as far away from Nebraska as one can get, culturally and geographically. You're probably thinking, "Yes, Erin...duh." Or perhaps you would like to think that in Indonesian, in which case you'd think this: "Ya, Erin...dong." At any rate, I knew this coming in and I expected it to be this way. I also accept this-I wouldn't have come had I not. Some days, most days probably, I embrace this. Sometimes, however, I just want the nearest Wal-Mart, the new season of CSI and Cheetos that don't taste weird. This, again, is one of those things that is impossible to explain fully-it just has to be experienced. So if I sound whiny, I'm sorry. I'd say walk a mile in my shoes and see how you feel, but they measure things in kilometers...sorry, kilometREs, here.
And about the tropical paradise thing...yeah, that's pretty cool. No, actually, that's pretty (expletive) cool. But there are days when I just want to be home, experiencing fall and watching Nebraska football. I'd apologize to you anti-Husker-complain-about-Nebraska-constantly folks out there for missing my state and my team but...well, I'm not sorry. Deal. Go Huskers. Anyway.
Being able to vacation at tropical resorts is fantastic. Having a maid is kind of cool (also necessary, strangely-more on that later), but it's weird. She doesn't consider herself a maid-she considers herself a servant. That is hard to get used to. Cleaning lady, cool. Servant, not cool. Just another cultural thing that's hard to get used to, particularly for us independent, do-it-yourself Americans. Plus, while the media (oh, I sound like an angry Republican-damn that liberal media!!!) makes things sound way worse than they are, Indonesia isn't a completely safe place. Yeah, Iraq and Afghanistan are horribly worse and I have no right to complain compared to Americans who are over there, but it's still a little scary here sometimes. Buleh (white people) aren't always liked, Americans aren't always liked and Christians aren't always liked very much. Everywhere you go, there are satpams (security guys) with big bomb-detecting wands-including our school's gates. At shopping malls like the one we went to Friday night to see a movie, there were security guards with ginormous rifles. We don't live in fear or anything-there's no point. If it's our time to go, we'll go whether we're in Jakarta or crossing the street in Seward, Nebraska. Still, it's a little unnerving. Scary sometimes, even.
I'm probably not making sense with all of this. I'm just trying to explain how we can be "Yay, beaches and maids and world travel and hooray!" in one breath and "I WANNA GO HOME!" in the next. It's normal, or so I've been told by every single other expat over here. Also, this is an online journal and, while it may be a stupid idea, we're gonna be honest on it. People want to know how our life is over here? We're not going to sugarcoat it-we'll share the fantastically wonderful as well as the crappy stuff. So there you have it. That's what's going on with the Armknechts.
posted by Erin @ 10:10 AM
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