Are you ready for a new sensation?

Here in Indonesia, those of us who subscribe to Indovision satellite TV get the pleasure of watching a lot of American shows, some of which are brand-new. During the school year, we got American Idol, just hours after it was broadcast in the States. Much to my extreme happiness, we also get the current season of CSI (the original, not the paltry spin-offs). Sure, it's about three months behind when episodes are run at home, but this just means obsessed nerds like me can read all the info on fan websites before watching the show. We see Arrested Development, Friends, and even Oprah. My 12th graders loved Oprah. We just got Desperate Housewives, so we can see what all the hooplah is about.

We also get some not-so-good shows, like The Simple Life...which means that all of my students now say, "That's hot." No, no it isn't. Another new show that just started airing here, right along with its premiere in the U.S., is Rock Star:INXS. It's touted as a contest to bestow the most prestigious title in rock and roll on a new talent. I'm no expert, but...is "reality TV talent contest winner to front a has-been band" really the most prestigious title in rock and roll? Wouldn't something like "better than Hendrix" be closer? The funniest part of the show is when people get kicked off, and the band members say, with utmost seriousness, "I'm sorry, but you're just not right for our band...(dramatic pause)...INXS."

I want my own reality show. Back in college, some of us had joked around about having a band called "William Shatner's Pants." Who wouldn't want to say he or she plays keyboard in William Shatner's Pants? In high school, Julie and I joked that we had a band called 80's Wuss, and we played in airport lounges just like Uncle Jesse's band did on Full House. I want a reality show, where I can search for the new lead singer of William Shatner's Pants...the most prestigious title in death metal-rap infusion. Yeah, that's right, yo. It'll be great. The climax of each episode will be when I get to say, "I'm sorry, I just don't think you're the right person to sing...in William Shatner's Pants." The the loser would be escorted off the stage by a troupe of midgets in tiny gangsta-rap outfits.

I'm thinking the Fox network will pick up my show, they have no concept of human dignity.