The problem is this: I care too much

Most of the time I think teaching here is so great because the kids are wonderful. Today I wish some of the kids were a little less so.

Then it wouldn't suck so much to say goodbye.

Today was graduation day and report card day. I didn't know the 12th graders too well, but there were a couple I've gotten to know a little bit and they're amazing people. It was sad to say goodbye to them, but I felt like a big nerd for being so bummed-I didn't even really teach them or anything. Still, they'd managed to have an impact on my life, and they mattered a great deal to me. I won't forget them.

I also had to say goodbye to a few of my 8th grade girls who are leaving, either moving or just switching schools. I've taught some of these kids for two years and I love them like they're my own. I'll really miss them.
I was fine during graduation. I was pretty fine after it. I gave a book to one of the aforementioned 12th graders, the one I blogged about back in May who has grand plans to change the world-which he will do, I know. I shook hands and said my goodbyes and was basically OKish until I saw Diera, my 11th grade newspaper editor, sobbing her face off. She's really close with a few of the 12th graders and she's been miserable about seeing them go.

I'm a sympathetic crier. I see other people crying, I tear up. I came back to my classroom and had a good five-minute cry all by myself, where no one but my two turtles could see me bawling like an idiot.

I'm doing better now, but I'm awfully glad I'm leaving for home in a day and a half. I'll keep busy packing and getting other things ready during that time, then I'll be on my way home and won't have time to wallow too much in misery.

I can't even imagine what this is going to be like next year. Next year there will be a lot more 12th graders I'm terribly fond of. I'm going to be a mess. I don't know when our last year here will be, maybe next year or maybe later, but I don't even want to think about it now.

Like I said, this would be easier if the kids weren't so wonderful because then I wouldn't be sad about seeing them go. But they are, and I am, and if I'm being honest that's OK. It's worth it.