Curveballs

I don't know what it is.

Maybe I'm overwhelmed by how wonderful it's been to be around our incredible friends for the last week, and by how badly I want to live in St. Louis, one of my favorite cities in the world. Maybe I'm worn out. Maybe (particularly right now) it's the series of rather potent rum-laced Cokes I had at our second night at the Big Bang Bar.

Whatever it is, I am a sad kid. I can't figure it out, but for some reason I am miserable. The last place I want to go at the end of this month is Indonesia. I would do just about anything to not have to go back right now. I am so sick of being this far away from people. I'm tired of airplanes and airports and tropical heat. I'm tired adventure, of not being able to drive myself anywhere, of not having my close-knit network of friends at least on the same friggin' continent, of language barriers and cultural differences and of just...just not being here.

I feel like I'm just done. I'm tired. I want to be home. Over the last few weeks I've figured out what it is I want to do with my life-I want to teach. This means I have to get a teaching certificate that's valid here, just like Travis. This means school for both of us, somehow, and hopefully soon so we can just come home already.

Great sense of humor You've got there, God. Way to make life screwy yet again. If I'm being honest, though, I kind of wish You'd maybe just go pick on someone else for a while.

I'm so messed up right now.