Things I will not miss

-Seeing fat, slovenly, disgusting white guys with teensy Indonesian girlfriends/wives who are waaaaay too hot for them. Ick. Ick, ick, ick. Be they weekend rentals or online trophy wives...ick. I always find myself wanting to say, "Sir, no one, no one is fooled."

-Wet toilet seats. Broken toilet seats with footprints on them. Wet, broken toilet seats with footprints on them.

-Cleverly misleading food. I got really excited on Thursday because, in one display case at the school cafeteria, there appeared to be a big plate of gooey caramel-covered cinnamon rolls. No. No, it was definitely tofu. I think my soul died a little.

-Wearing an ordinary (not fitted) t-shirt out in public and still having strange men stare at my chest as if the fact that we don't speak the same language means I won't understand what they're looking at. Sorry guys, Pervert Patois is universal.