Out at sea

I woke up at 4:15 this morning because our neighbor's dog was barking. There is no sense here whatsoever of common courtesy when it comes to being obnoxiously loud. Power saws at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday? Why not! And why shouldn't we boost the amplifiers to 11 and let everyone-including the school a block away trying to conduct classes-listen to our Hindi pop music?!

Anyway.

I didn't ever go back to sleep, and not just because of the dog. I'd been having a frighteningly realistic dream. Usually my dreams are really out there or really boring, like I either dream that I'm getting chased by purple tigers and six-legged unicorns or that I'm doing something mundane like brushing my teeth. This one was neither-it was just uncomfortable.

I dreamed that we were living back in Seward, living in our little white house with our dog and our cat. I was working somewhere-I don't know where, but I missed my students every single day. Travis was taking classes at Concordia to get his teaching certification and working second shift at the bulk mail factory-from 2 to 10 p.m.

We never saw each other except for an hour or so in the morning and late at night, but that was probably best anyway because we were both so miserable. He hated his boring factory job and resented not being in the classroom. We were practically broke from paying rent, tuition and for two cars that we had to buy when we got back because we sold ours when we moved overseas in 2004--even though we'd saved as much as we could before moving home.

Beans and Charlie hated each other, and each one was miserable because they couldn't adjust. Beans didn't like the new place and Charlie didn't think he was our dog anymore. The culture shock of trying to settle back in to the exact routine we'd left three years prior was almost unbearable. Everything was the same yet nothing was the same.

It was like all of my fears combined together to form one big nightmare. I lay awake until the alarm went off. Travis assured me that it was just a dream, that even if he were stuck in a factory job it would only be while he was in school and that I didn't have anything to worry about. He said moving back was going to be tough whenever we did it-in 8 months or two years or 10. Fair point.

At the morning meeting today, it was announced that by December 15 people needed to indicate whether they were leaving or staying. If we could give notice before then, even better. As soon as possible, we were told.

I don't always appreciate God's sense of humor, I really don't.

We gave our notice. We're leaving in June. It's the right decision-we're both in agreement and we know it's time to come home for a while. That doesn't mean it isn't the hardest decision we've ever had to make.

It isn't like we haven't known since July, but making it official is really scary. I kind of want to hide out under my desk and have a good cry. I guess that'll have to wait until later, though, because I have classes to teach.

I really don't know what to do with myself today.