Unagi--salmon spring roll!

A few weeks ago we went to a Middle Eastern food festival at the Ritz-Carlton in Jakarta. It was incredible. Middle Eastern food is fantastic anyway, but Middle Eastern food served buffet-style in the swankiest restaurant I've ever seen is even better. The cuisine included Turkish fare, which was the main reason Travis and I wanted to go. Turkish food is...(I'm just going to let you imagine Homer Simpson drooling here.)

If the money tree I planted in my back yard ever decided to bear fruit, the first thing I'd buy is a ticket back to Istanbul so I could go to the teensy, hole-in-the-wall doner kebab stall half a block down from our hotel. They had the big, upright roasting pits with chicken or lamb, and you could get it served one of two ways: on a bun with lettuce, tomatoes, dill pickles, french fries, ketchup and some sort of yogurt sauce or on a big piece of flatbread with those condiments. The flatbread got rolled up and pressed in a sandwich grill-for 2 Turkish lire, or about $3. It was basically the Turkish version of fast food, only not unhealthy and probably the best food I've ever eaten. Don't get me started on genuine Turkish baklava, or the big Turkish pancake (like a crepe, not a sweet pancake) stuffed with white cheese, potatoes and spinach. I also haven't stopped craving Turkish apple tea since we left Istanbul in early April.

Anyway, that was the biggest digression ever...so yeah. We went to this Middle Eastern food festival with a bunch of friends. The restaurant we went to is an international buffet, so aside from their special featured Middle Eastern dishes they also offered food from all over-including a big sushi bar.

I'm not a fish person. I'll eat it if it's breaded and looks nothing like actual fish. I had amazing battered and fried barracuda in Bali once, and I like tuna quite a bit. Fish sticks are also acceptable. I'll happily eat breaded shrimp, and I do like crab-if it's in something other than its shell. Lobster is also sometimes OK.

I'd decided that I needed to try sushi, though. I'd seen it prepared on TV and it looked harmless. Plus, I figured, plenty of people like it. Living overseas and traveling so much has broadened my food perspectives a lot, so I thought I should probably give sushi a try before being a typical midwesterner and turning my nose up at it. "That ain't no fried walleye!"

My friend Karen, a sushi and sashimi connoisseur, pointed out a piece I might like. "It's cucumber, no fish, so it's an easy way to start."

I wanted fish, though. I'd made up my mind to dive in headfirst, so I selected a piece that had crab in the middle and what appeared to be toasted sesame seeds on the outside of the sticky rice. I like crab, I like rice, I like sesame seeds...I'd be OK.

Everyone at the table was quite enthusiastic and was looking forward to the Nebraska girl trying her first piece of sushi. I picked it up in my chopsticks (which I have learned to use quite decently, thank you) and dipped it in the soy and wasabi sauce. I'd just popped it into my mouth when Karen said, "I'm really impressed that you picked the one with caviar on the outside! Fish eggs are pretty out of your comfort zone!"

Wha...?

I managed to chew for a few seconds and then tried valiantly to swallow.

I couldn't. As politely and classily as I could, I bolted for the restroom. I tried. I really, really tried. It tasted horribly fishy and had a rather unpleasant texture.

I'm the sort of person who can't even watch Fear Factor because I'm more likely to be ill than the people actually eating the disgusting things are. Moving here has taught me to not be afraid to try new things, and because of that I've had a lot of pleasant surprises.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it," the saying goes.

I think it's fair to say that I really, really hate sushi.

By the way-if you can tell me what the title of this blog references, you win a cookie. You'll have to wait until June, but still. A cookie!

*Just as I finished typing that last sentence, I took a big gulp of coffee and-like the smooth operator I am-spilled coffee down the front of my shirt. Though it was late enough that the day was nearly over, I decided to use my Tide stain remover pen so the coffee didn't set in. There I was, busily scribbling away at my boob with the Tide stain pen, when one of the office assistants came in to give me a memo. It was a sufficiently awkward moment, to say the least. To quote my good friend Julie, I was practically drowning in my own ocean of awesome.