Stop. Hammertime.

An old lady tried to get to second base with me at the mall this afternoon.

Let me start out by explaining that Indonesian public restroom etiquette is something I have yet to appreciate or understand. In even the swankiest malls, it's a battle if there's a line. "Line" is a bit of an overstatement--the rule seems to be if you don't make eye contact, shoving your way rudely to the front of the line is acceptable.

Today we were at Senayan City, one of Jakarta's fancier shopping complexes boasting Gucci, Versace and, logically, a Krispy Kreme donut shop.

I was waiting in line in a women's restroom, when a tiny older woman came and got in line behind me. She was maybe five feet tall in heels, and made me immediately uncomfortable by how closely she was standing. The room wasn't crowded; there were two women in front of me and no one behind her, so I began to suspect that she was going to try the old cut in line trick.

Sure enough, she inched even closer. I tried giving her an irritated look, as usually making eye contact with a tall, frowning white girl is enough to scare off most pushy locals. Not this time, though--she looked the other way.

Then, with as little subtlety as possible, she shoved her hand into my chest. It wasn't an accidental brushing-this lady was steadily digging her fist in, still avoiding eye contact. I turned to her and bent down so I was eye level with her, looking her straight in the face.

"No. Stop. You can't touch my boob," I calmly but loudly told her, using the same slow, deliberate scolding tone I'd use if I were telling a preschooler to stop pulling hair on the playground.

She immediately turned and rushed from the room, horrified.

I'm sure what I did was culturally insensitive, being confrontational and all that. But...um...lady! I'm not that kind of girl!

She should have at least offered to take me out for drinks first.