Not so lonely road
This afternoon Travis and I took a few of the new expats into Jakarta with us to show them around. We took them into Kemang, the expat-friendly area with all manner of incredible ethnic restaurants and great furniture shops. Travis and I are in the market for some bookcases, and the newbies wanted to check out some potential places to buy furniture. We also took them to Ace Hardware (of COURSE there's an Ace Hardware in Indonesia...there are several!) to give them a taste of home and then took them to our favorite grocery store-meaning the only store in the entire archipelago where I can buy milk suitable for my personal consumption. Ranch Market is a great westernized supermarket-they sell Doritos AND Land O Lakes cheese. Whoo-hoo!
We had a nice time, and I think these new people are going to be great. What really struck me about today was noticing how used to Jakarta and Indonesia in general Travis and I are. Our new friends, Julia, Steve and Karen, were just in awe of the crazy traffic, the crowded and dirty streets and everything else Travis and I don't even notice anymore in the zoo we call Jakarta. When we got home after dropping everyone else off, we put our groceries away, gave the kitten some attention and then went to Katie and Kale's house to "decorate" it for their return tomorrow evening. It was when we were hiding the plastic cat crap under Kale's pillow (we love our friends!) that it hit me...we really made it. We aren't the new kids anymore. We've now survived long enough to see a new generation of scared, unfamiliar expats arrive.
When we got back to our house, I immediately got online and started reading old emails I'd sent and received just one year ago. I read the one I wrote after my first (AWFUL) day of teaching, when I emailed a small group of close friends in a panic. Here's a small example of how pathetic I was:
"Um, this is so scary. I seriously am not a good teacher. I don't know how to plan lessons, I don't know how to teach, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm pretty sure the kids know it AND think I'm an idiot. My eleventh graders, the ones I have for homeroom and for English, all sat and looked at me like I was a complete moron for an hour and a half today. I have two seventh grade classes-7.1 is cute enough, they have enough energy to power Tokyo for a week...they wanted to know all about where I was from, about my family, my dog, my friends back home...I didn't spend too much time talking about it all because I'm so homesick I can hardly breathe, and it isn't good for a teacher to cry in front of her students on the first day. I know I sound miserable and I'm sure it'll get better, I just...I'm so homesick and terrified right now. It was NOT a good idea for me to teach. Not only am I abominably underqualified, I'm just not meant to be a teacher."
Of course, this panicked email resulted in wonderful, encouraging and supportive responses from all who received it. A former professor assured me he was convinced he sucked as a teacher when he started. Kelly emailed and told me she loved me, and that the previous day she saw an old man walking dachshunds and wearing a shirt that read "I LOVE MY WIENERS!" Along the same vein, Kristin told me I wasn't a weenie and that my fears were normal. Julie sent me some grammar exercises with her words of encouragement and Pam shared in my new teacher fears. The list could go on. And on and on.
I went through later emails, all the way up until December, when my sad, homesick butt finally got on a plane to come home. Family, in-laws, friends, former teachers and professors (who count among family/friends when one comes from Concordia)...there is no way we could have made it here this far without you. No way. Our support system here is fantastic and we couldn't have survivied without those people either. But you guys...thank you.
One full year later, we truly do love it here. It is home to us now. I guess now we have homes in each hemisphere, aren't we jet-setting?! But it's taken this long to come to terms with being here. We're now at a point where we're probably halfway done, but maybe we're only 1/3 of the way done. Ultimately, it's not entirely our decision to make. We're waiting until we've been home for Christmas again before we decide if we're coming back for 6 months or 18.
I think in our heads, Travis and I both have lists of pros and cons of staying here vs. coming back to the States. It's funny how these mental lists have changed since we arrived. If you could see the pro list for coming back to the States, it's mostly names. It used to be names and cultural things, language, just things we were used to in general. Now we're used to Indonesia, we love the people and the culture, etc. But home is, ultimately, where our friends are. Where our families are. Where our weenie dog is. (And eventually, where our weenie dog and black cat try to co-exist peacefully.) In a year's time we've learned that we can live without Burger Kings, Targets, brand-new episodes of CSI and Alias, and countless other American creature comforts. Those aren't the important things, really.
Anyway, it's getting late and I'm getting sentimental and I'm starting to babble. To make a long story short, what I'm trying to say is thanks. Thank you to anyone who has sent us a care package, an Instant Message, an email, a blog comment, a phone call, a prayer or even a kind thought. We could not have survived our first year here without knowing so many people cared about us back home, and I know it'll make the second year bearable, too. You will never know how much we needed your support or how much it meant to us. Thanks. :)
We had a nice time, and I think these new people are going to be great. What really struck me about today was noticing how used to Jakarta and Indonesia in general Travis and I are. Our new friends, Julia, Steve and Karen, were just in awe of the crazy traffic, the crowded and dirty streets and everything else Travis and I don't even notice anymore in the zoo we call Jakarta. When we got home after dropping everyone else off, we put our groceries away, gave the kitten some attention and then went to Katie and Kale's house to "decorate" it for their return tomorrow evening. It was when we were hiding the plastic cat crap under Kale's pillow (we love our friends!) that it hit me...we really made it. We aren't the new kids anymore. We've now survived long enough to see a new generation of scared, unfamiliar expats arrive.
When we got back to our house, I immediately got online and started reading old emails I'd sent and received just one year ago. I read the one I wrote after my first (AWFUL) day of teaching, when I emailed a small group of close friends in a panic. Here's a small example of how pathetic I was:
"Um, this is so scary. I seriously am not a good teacher. I don't know how to plan lessons, I don't know how to teach, I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm pretty sure the kids know it AND think I'm an idiot. My eleventh graders, the ones I have for homeroom and for English, all sat and looked at me like I was a complete moron for an hour and a half today. I have two seventh grade classes-7.1 is cute enough, they have enough energy to power Tokyo for a week...they wanted to know all about where I was from, about my family, my dog, my friends back home...I didn't spend too much time talking about it all because I'm so homesick I can hardly breathe, and it isn't good for a teacher to cry in front of her students on the first day. I know I sound miserable and I'm sure it'll get better, I just...I'm so homesick and terrified right now. It was NOT a good idea for me to teach. Not only am I abominably underqualified, I'm just not meant to be a teacher."
Of course, this panicked email resulted in wonderful, encouraging and supportive responses from all who received it. A former professor assured me he was convinced he sucked as a teacher when he started. Kelly emailed and told me she loved me, and that the previous day she saw an old man walking dachshunds and wearing a shirt that read "I LOVE MY WIENERS!" Along the same vein, Kristin told me I wasn't a weenie and that my fears were normal. Julie sent me some grammar exercises with her words of encouragement and Pam shared in my new teacher fears. The list could go on. And on and on.
I went through later emails, all the way up until December, when my sad, homesick butt finally got on a plane to come home. Family, in-laws, friends, former teachers and professors (who count among family/friends when one comes from Concordia)...there is no way we could have made it here this far without you. No way. Our support system here is fantastic and we couldn't have survivied without those people either. But you guys...thank you.
One full year later, we truly do love it here. It is home to us now. I guess now we have homes in each hemisphere, aren't we jet-setting?! But it's taken this long to come to terms with being here. We're now at a point where we're probably halfway done, but maybe we're only 1/3 of the way done. Ultimately, it's not entirely our decision to make. We're waiting until we've been home for Christmas again before we decide if we're coming back for 6 months or 18.
I think in our heads, Travis and I both have lists of pros and cons of staying here vs. coming back to the States. It's funny how these mental lists have changed since we arrived. If you could see the pro list for coming back to the States, it's mostly names. It used to be names and cultural things, language, just things we were used to in general. Now we're used to Indonesia, we love the people and the culture, etc. But home is, ultimately, where our friends are. Where our families are. Where our weenie dog is. (And eventually, where our weenie dog and black cat try to co-exist peacefully.) In a year's time we've learned that we can live without Burger Kings, Targets, brand-new episodes of CSI and Alias, and countless other American creature comforts. Those aren't the important things, really.
Anyway, it's getting late and I'm getting sentimental and I'm starting to babble. To make a long story short, what I'm trying to say is thanks. Thank you to anyone who has sent us a care package, an Instant Message, an email, a blog comment, a phone call, a prayer or even a kind thought. We could not have survived our first year here without knowing so many people cared about us back home, and I know it'll make the second year bearable, too. You will never know how much we needed your support or how much it meant to us. Thanks. :)
posted by Erin @ 11:30 AM
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