Help wanted (please!)

So...I can't sleep because I'm starting to freak out (more than usual) about moving home. Eek! No cars! No jobs! Whatever will become of us?

Out of boredom and inability to fall sleep, I checked out St. Louis's Craigslist pages for job listings. Yes, it's about four and a half months too early to apply for anything, but I just wanted to look.

I can get several jobs telemarketing from home, and most of these employers were "liggit" or looking for "real motivated indaviduals." For what? Spell-checking? Do I get to call people and offer to correct their spelling and grammatical mistakes in a condescending manner? I'd be really good at that.

Someone was needed to teach after-school magic and circus programs. "Look, boys and girls! Here's how we debilitate Mr. Clown with a swift kick to the groin! See him drop to the ground? Magic!" Now THAT is comedy!

There was a posting in the media and publishing category for a female camera operator, needed for an adult video. Fantastic use of my nice Lutheran university communications degree, no?

My favorite, though, was the ad that just said this: "Write about dragons get paid."

Dragons! Awesome.

Imagine the doors this would open. Everybody knows dragon lore is just a stepping stone to the seriously rad stuff. Who knows? With an in like dragons, I could be promoted to head Star Trek convention pamphlet editor in a matter of years.

I think, at some point, every little girl dreams of being a writer whose main audience is creepy 30-something men who still live in their mothers' basements.

Tell me, should I curl up into the fetal position and start whimpering now or should I wait until at least May?

See, this is no good. I'm getting tired and twitchy, and when I get tired and twitchy all of the little sensors in my brain that would normally tell me that I'm not being very nice just go right ahead and say nothing.

I think I need to go pet my cat for a while. Provided he doesn't do his normal routine of biting and scratching all while purring affectionately and thereby sending mixed signals, it may help the matter some.

OK, here is where I tried to upload a funny photo of a monkey I took in Bali, in attempt to end on a funny note. It didn't work because the internet is still being pretty stupid.

Sorry. If it helps, close your eyes for a minute and imagine a monkey.

See? Wasn't that nice? Who doesn't love a good mental image of a monkey?