Oh, shi(r)t
I was wary last year when I was told I'd be given a school uniform to wear. I was measured thoroughly and, although the waistband of the pants and two skirts was higher than I'd have liked, the uniforms were fine. The skirts were a bit school marm-ish, but decent enough when paired with the fairly stylish white shirts. The shirts were white, slightly fitted button-down shirts with nice, 3/4 length sleeves...the sort of shirt I'd probably actually purchase for myself if shopping for office clothes. I assumed they'd keep similar shirt designs for the women this year. I was so stupid.
I got my new uniforms today. It isn't pretty. I held the pants up to myself, the waistband placed where the waistband of nearly all of my pants goes...about one to two inches below my belly button. I looked down and realized the leg cuffs of the pants went about 7 inches past my toes. Concerned, I tried the pants on. The waistband, silly me, doesn't go below my belly button! No, it goes under my collar bone! These pants are, as Saturday Night Live once said, bonafide "mom pants." High, high waisted, pleated pants from hell. These pants have, no kidding, a 10-inch rise. They don't even deserve the title of pants. Nay, these are (I hate this word!) slacks. To make matters worse, the legs are tapered and the cuff falls just a wee bit too short. Hey ugly slacks, 1986 called and wonders when you're coming back.
To add insult to injury, the shirts are even worse. They're made of a super-thick material and FULLY LINED. Two layers of wool-like cloth! Logical, I guess, considering the brutal winters we here NEAR THE EQUATOR have to endure. The shirts might as well be muu muus. They couldn't be any less flattering. The little loop-hole buttons are SPARKLY and the cut of the collar makes the shirt look like it belongs in a catalog for badly dressed nurses. Even better, the shirts come with a "snazzy" little cloth belt! Whee! Now I just need to find a pair of beige orthopedic shoes in my size, and off I go! Perhaps I'll get a spiral perm and tease my bangs while I'm at it. Look out world, it's Hottie Mc Sexypants!
I got my new uniforms today. It isn't pretty. I held the pants up to myself, the waistband placed where the waistband of nearly all of my pants goes...about one to two inches below my belly button. I looked down and realized the leg cuffs of the pants went about 7 inches past my toes. Concerned, I tried the pants on. The waistband, silly me, doesn't go below my belly button! No, it goes under my collar bone! These pants are, as Saturday Night Live once said, bonafide "mom pants." High, high waisted, pleated pants from hell. These pants have, no kidding, a 10-inch rise. They don't even deserve the title of pants. Nay, these are (I hate this word!) slacks. To make matters worse, the legs are tapered and the cuff falls just a wee bit too short. Hey ugly slacks, 1986 called and wonders when you're coming back.
To add insult to injury, the shirts are even worse. They're made of a super-thick material and FULLY LINED. Two layers of wool-like cloth! Logical, I guess, considering the brutal winters we here NEAR THE EQUATOR have to endure. The shirts might as well be muu muus. They couldn't be any less flattering. The little loop-hole buttons are SPARKLY and the cut of the collar makes the shirt look like it belongs in a catalog for badly dressed nurses. Even better, the shirts come with a "snazzy" little cloth belt! Whee! Now I just need to find a pair of beige orthopedic shoes in my size, and off I go! Perhaps I'll get a spiral perm and tease my bangs while I'm at it. Look out world, it's Hottie Mc Sexypants!
posted by Erin @ 6:18 AM
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